My darling, we are at two years (well at the time you read this, we will have achieved two years; yes, I am planning ahead and starting the writing process early.) I recall the moment when we established that we would call it a relationship. It was a phone call complete with my bold list of bullet points for conversation, one being that I wanted to label our dates, hanging outs, and feelings as a relationship. However, we all know that our story began before that conversation. The affection that is between us began the night that we met. (See:https://medium.com/@Emily_Sto/the-boy-with-the-tea-cup-and-matching-saucer-2c891effdb3a) I was so enchanted to meet you from the moment that I saw you standing there in Das Bevo with your snappy clothing and melodic melty voice. I know that you were at least amused by me because you friended me on Facebook afterwards.
Fast forward, past keeping our relationship secretive, festival times, my car breaking down in the middle of the night in the winter, Washington DC/New York trips, fabulous parties, Friday nights getting Pi pizza and Jeni’s ice cream, multiple sing alongs to “Rose’s Turn” and “Never Ever Getting Rid of Me”, Rocky Horror Picture Show showings in an old theater and later a drive-in theater, weddings, lots of lemon Italian ice until our mouths are numb, plus so many more adventures….we then arrive here, our two year anniversary of June 28, 2020. In the early days of liking you, I would write about our dates because I found you to be so amazing, and I wanted record that I, Emily, dated THE Ryan because we all know that you are going places, kid (I had to have documents to reflect back on in a future Carrie Fisher-esque memoir, true story.) Because this is such a commemorative anniversary, I felt it only appropriate to write something funky for us. A few Sundays ago, I was listening to the Taylor Swift Paris concert, and the song “Lover” was performed. This song reminds me of you and expresses so many layers of feelings that I have for you. I decided to use this song as a framework to reflect back on our relationship history, dynamics, and adventures. Taylor’s lines will be in italics.
“Lover” by Taylor Swift
We could leave the Christmas lights up ’til January
Some of my most favorite things in the whole world are twinkle lights, christmas lights, fireflies, candle-lights, really any tiny lights illuminating the darkness. Metaphorically and physically, you have lit up my world and soul. Physically you infused light into my life when you had the brilliant idea to take my Christmas lights and string them around my door then later in my laundry/music room. You have metaphorically lit up my world showing me the colors of everything around me, of the arts, and in the beauty found in the world. Also, I would like to thank you for inspiring me to insert other fun colored pieces of coloring into my wardrobe among the plaid shirts and my bolo tie.
This is our place, we make the rules
Those poor folks at Russ & Daughters probably feel offended by the fact that at the famous Jewish fish restaurant/store, we only order the side dishes and desserts. It has become a tradition that I do not anticipate changing, where we travel from Times Square to this tucked away restaurant and split all of the dessert items. Our dear friends reading this, note, when you have the choice between seltzer and plain water, always choose seltzer.
And there’s a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear. Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?
I was magnetized the moment that I met you with your three shades of blue and rainbow socks. I spent so much of that night trying to not seem overtly captivated by you, then apparently I threw all care to the wind and offered to ride with you back to where all of our friends would be. You have always been an enigma. Though I feel that two years has shown me so much of you, I feel there are so many layers of you yet to be uncovered.
Can I go where you go?
Wherever our adventures may lie, may it be in the heart of St.Louis, on Main Street in St.Charles, dancing at the bar with friends on a chilly winter night, the middle of Times’ Square in New York, running through rainy, chilly DC streets, any future adventures with an a/c chilly apartment in Florida, trips to both Springfields, a hopeful future trips to the rocky mountains of Pacific Northwest and multiple places in Europe (Ireland first clearly), etc. I want to experience and/or continue to experience all the world wants to show me with you.
Can we always be this close, forever and ever?
The Jewish man and the Christian girl, who would have thought? I have been introduced to the beauty of your religion’s culture (bring on all the latke’s and apple stuffed hamantaschen)and history (learning about Sophie Scholl and seeing the photo of Elka Lubetski and her boyfriend are things that mean so much to me to know and see.) I know that you probably have many of moments wondering ummm what…? such as when I tell you about purity culture and some of the dark sides of my religion. This difference is something that I find lovely, and I hope that the core of fascination over our differences never changes.
And ah, take me out, and take me home. You’re my, my, my, my lover
I recently asked you about an obsure favorite memory. I gifted you our first night in DC when I met you at the airport. There I was with my striped backpack that has traveled all over the USA, and I saw you and your black jacket and green gloves waiting for me. After we learned my phone was not super helpful, we finally found our Air BnB. We walked to dinner in the rain, and later enjoyed those delicious dishes, mine having mole sauce. Later, I remember us walking back in the drizzle, excited to come “home.” I got into the coziest pajamas that I had with me, and with our full bellies, we fell promptly asleep.
We could let our friends crash in the living room.This is our place, we make the call.
Since we have started dating, I feel we have hosted and/or engaged in the most fabulous of parties. We have thrown a woman’s history party, a summer party, a Christmas/Hanukkah party, tea party, etc. We have attended the most lovely events from friends’ weddings, fundraiser galas and fancy summer parties, cast dinners, etc. Some snapshot memories that I will not forget easily include when you donned my blue apron and was cooking latkes with me, strolling around a room with our finery and my Target purchased pearls pretending we are the elite, and medium pace dancing to “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” at multiple weddings with you. I hope that we will always be at the parties, and we will always invite others into our creative, celebratory worlds.
And I’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you
This is a known fact. Women that compliment your clothing everywhere we go across the USA, people that want to hire you, people that are secretly in love with you, and yet I am the person that you choose. The idea makes me blush. I giggle when fans find you ANYWHERE as I step to the side and let them fawn. I secretly smile knowing that I get to be the person that knows you and gets to hear all the secret stories late at night. Also, to the guy at the Muny, I am still impressed that you knew who he was by his rendition of the National Anthem.
I’ve loved you three summers now, honey, but I want ’em all
We are on our third summer falling in love. How vastly different each summer has looked, and yet there is that common element where we are continuing to fall more and more in love. I know that the winter times are not the most easy for our mutual sanities. The cold and the darkness means that I cry a lot more and find it harder to be chill. You navigate it all with grace, and you remind me that summer and warmth is around the corner.
Can I go where you go?
Though there are moments when I wish that we would have met each other sooner in life, I am grateful that we have crossed paths at this moment. I was a hot mess in high school….in college….post college….currently…but I like to believe that therapy and leaning into lessons learned means that I am less of a hot mess than I was before (PROGRESS!) Because we met each other not in high school or college means that we get to bring all of our stories and adventures to share with each other. I get to tell you ad nauseam about my brief trip to Samish Island, Washington, my friend group in high school, my first adventure to PRIDE, and how impactful and deeply meaningful my life history has been to me. You get to share all of your Florida, high school, past shows, pre-Emily adventures with me. We might not have gotten to experience these events together, but I almost visualize us taking each other on a tour of the past people we have been.
Can we always be this close forever and ever? And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever) You’re my, my, my, my lover.
I believe that we will be like fine wine, that we will continue to become better people, that we will continue to grow closer as more of our memories start to include each other, that we will continue to become stronger, braver, smarter, and let’s face it, more attractive. We are people that will likely change over time. Different dynamics will come out of our relationship and individually, but I believe that we will have a core of love and deep affection. I look forward to meeting the person that you will be a year from now, five years from now, etc.
Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand? I hope that we have built up those around us, that we are seen as the couple that is excited to see people and love on them. Additionally, I would like to say that one of the things that made me love you even more was watching how you treated people that you were in charge of. You treated each and every person the same. There was no favoritism or unkindness. Every person was seen and responded to with dignity, kindness, and respect.
With every guitar string scar on my hand You once told me that you saw the scars across my skin as being the barriers that keeps all of the objects from my childhood from spilling out. I find this idea lovely.
I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover You are a force; I am absolutely a force. You have seen the way that injustice infuriates me or how I can become immediately fire. My redhair comes out when I am angry or frustrated, and you have been witness often to the unfiltered of this. I believe that this is one of our greatest strengths, to be able to hold the space for each others’ moments of intense feelings.
My heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue. All’s well that ends well to end up with you It is no secret that there were people that I loved before you. It is no secret that you have loved in your past as well. I am grateful for each and every person in my history because they made me who I am today. The Emily who you love now needed people who encouraged her to unfold her boldness more, to learn to hold quiet spaces more gently, to see more, to feel more deeply that I could have before, to learn that heartbreak is not the end, to learn how grace works, to realize that sometimes we can be “perfect” and not be everyone’s cup of tea. These folks from our past lives have been puzzle pieces that built us.
Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover We are drama queens in our own times and moments. Who else would passionately sing “The Impossible Dream”? Who else would write piece after piece about the human that she was falling in love with because she wanted proof that he existed if he ever dropped out of contact with her? We are bold in our own ways now, and we are just getting started, world.
And you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me We know this is actually about me. Our friends will attest to this.
And at every table, I’ll save you a seat, lover One thing that I love is that no matter what and where we go, we come back to each other. Maybe, it is the 1am after we have been with everyone and it is suddenly quiet as the air is getting chilly in the car during our conversation. Maybe, it is falling asleep on a couch or taking off shoes at the end of a party night. We love on our friends, I dance around, you befriend the wallflowers, and we find each others’ fingers to squeeze quietly when the last song is playing.
Can I go where you go?
Can we always be this close forever and ever?
And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)
You’re my, my, my, my
Oh, you’re my, my, my, my
Darling, you’re my, my, my, my lover
When we ask each other, “Libst Mikh, Sertse?” know that my answer is always yes. You are my partner, my lover, my best friend, my dream human that I never knew existed, the person that knows how to tease me the most, who sees all of my pieces and chooses to love me, who will learn more than he ever wanted about feminism+domestic violence+any other topic that I love because it is what I love, who will teach me patience, who will challenge me to try new things, who will be the reason why I own plastic washable utensils, who has always encouraged me to be the dissenter (ask me about my Ruth necklace), who responded with a hearty you got this when I explained a big giant longshot career dream, who is quirky and zany, soft, and strong; Ryan, you are all these things and more.
Happy Anniversary- to today, yesterday, and all the adventures to come!
Lekhayim!
